Standing at a Crossroads

Sounds like a song, doesn’t it?

Lately I’ve been feeling kind of stuck. Granted, this has been a slooow month, so I’ve had more time on my hands to reflect on where I’m going and what I want out of this career, but I’m feeling very indecisive. I’m at a crossroads and am not sure which way to go.

I’ve always been indecisive about things that really matter, ask anyone that knows me. For example, we’re getting our house painted this summer and I have literally 10 paint samples painted on the back of our house that I stare at every day and still can’t decide. It’s like the bigger results a decision will yield, the harder time I have making an actual decision. And let’s face it paint color on the exterior of a house is huge – I’ll have to live with it for as long as we live in this house. I was also very indecisive about leaving a full-time job to freelance full-time. This blog is a testament to that. So, it’s no wonder that deciding which direction to take my freelancing career has me really stumped.

Here’s what I’m indecisive about. Where to focus my time – let me explain. I need to make money to maintain my lifestyle. That was my first goal in my freelance writing career. Check that one off the list, I’ve done it and continue to do so. Great! Now that I have that down and know how to continue to do it, there are other things I want to do in addition to sustaining myself on this career. Two of my goals from the beginning have been to write for magazines and to run a successful blog. I have done neither so far, but to be fair, I haven’t focused a lot of my time on either one. Now a new ambition has entered the ring: I want to write a book – a fiction book. So here is my crossroads, where do I start? Do I brainstorm new blog ideas and focus all of my free time on building a following? Or do I study magazines and query, query, query? Or do I forget about all of that and start in on a book?

I’m not going to lie – money does play a role here. As stated above, I need to sustain myself. The fear of failure is also at play. A new blog may never take off, magazines may never pick up my ideas and a book may never sell. I’m pretty sure all three options will take a lot of time before they are profitable and I’ll probably fail several times trying – but which is the most attainable for me? And which of the three do I want the most? That I don’t know and to tell you the truth I really want to try all three even if I’m poor trying them and an utter failure at first.

What about you? Have you ever been at a major crossroads? How did you decide the best way to go?


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