Today was my last day at my job and I am wrestling with a bunch of emotions right now. On one hand I am relieved and excited to start this next chapter of my life, but I am also nervous. I thought I would feel nothing but pure and utter joy to be done working full time, but I am a little sad. They threw me a party and they were truly upset that I was leaving, but more surprising is that I realized that I will miss parts of my job. However the most overwhelming feeling is that this is for real now. Now I have to try to make my own path in the freelance writing world and all of a sudden that task seems daunting.
Up until now I have never had an ounce of doubt that I could do this. Now all of a sudden, I am hoping I can do this, but not as sure as I once was. Mostly this is my fault. I have yet to look for gigs. This summer has been a whirlwind, with my mom’s diagnosis, weddings, the holiday, you name it and I was involved. I have kept up with my current (very light) load of clients, but I never went out looking for new clients to prepare me for when I was actually done working. To be honest, it felt like I would never be done working, well, today it all sank in. I am completely dependent on myself now and that is a little scary. I know what I have to do, I know that I can do this, but there is just a little insecurity there and a little fear of the unknown.
Don’t get me wrong, I am totally pumped. This is what I have been working towards forever it seems like. I know in my heart that I will never look back at this as a mistake, I know that I will live a happier life and I know that I am completely ready for this. I just didn’t expect to feel so emotional about things.
I think I need to take this evening off and digest everything. Then starting in the morning I need a game plan based on where I am right now and where I want to be in the next month. Little by little I know I can make this work…..see, just writing about it is making me feel better already.